How to find and develop great relationships
Building good relationships, wealth and happiness is as easy as learning your ABCs. If I said to you that after reading this article and applying its information to your life you will be able to have a good relationship with your partner or develop a relationship with the partner of your dreams, build wealth and happiness, what would you give in return?
Would you devote time to learning the techniques and spend time practicing them? Others and I have had great relationships with the people of our choice and all have personally experienced the ideas and techniques that I will share with you.
The secret to success in creating and developing great relationships like all other forms of success is by copying and applying what successful people do to get the same results. You can achieve these results by duplicating the same thoughts and using this knowledge in the same way.
As simple as it seems good relationships like most other desired outcomes are built around agreements between people. As long as the agreement is honored, the relationship remains. If a standard is maintained and continues in line with the agreement, it will produce good fruit. If the agreement is broken (as it will be from time to time) it must be amended.
Otherwise, the relationship will break down. Take ResponsibilityThere is a fine line between self-confidence and self-consciousness. Take responsibility for your actions, not that of your partner. If your agreement is that each party may be liberal enough to spend time alone or go without you, respect that.
Don’t stay alone worrying all night until your partner comes home. Usually, this worry is brought about by self-image problems or mistrust of your partner. If the agreement is broken from this action i.e. infidelity, you simply make the decision to amend the agreement or terminate it.
If the decision is to terminate, move on, and find someone who you can trust to keep to the agreement. Rights and desires are worth mentioning here that the #1 quality of successful people is that they don’t need relationships to stay successful.
Don’t get mixed up here with the meaning of relationships. There is a difference between personal and business relationships. Herein lies the psychological view that must be held in gaining and holding onto a great personal relationship.
To continue a great relationship you cannot feel or express to the other party that you need or desire them in order to maintain the relationship. In a healthy relationship, the partners never insist on their rights or make demands of the other party.
Rights get in the way of creating good relationships. You can have desires in a relationship but you should not depend on or need the relationship in order to satisfy those desires. If you do this, it is a surefire way of eroding the relationship over time forcing complacency to form in the relationship.
This attitude of self-reliance will eliminate the human element of easy come, easy go. Release all expectations of the other party. Expectations set the partnership up to be let down which in turn erodes the relationship. Finding the Right person the best way to find someone is to become a flycatcher.
You remember the old sticky strips that your parents used to hang over the kitchen table to attract flies. Similarly, you must assimilate how this worked and apply it to yourself. Become the person that attracts the person you want.
To do this you have to know what you want in a partner. Define the qualities in a partner that you will be comfortable with. The act of doing this is a flytrap in itself to your partner. People who settle for second best usually get second best.
Don’t get that mixed up with aiming for Mr or Mrs perfect because there is no such a person. But there are people who can and will meet your expectations. This is whom you want to attract. Next, you have to learn what it is that will make these people attracted to you.
The only way that you can do this is by association. Some things that you may want to consider are: Go to the places where you can be attractive. Dress to attract. Develop the personality to attract. Now, this takes some self-discipline.
If the type of person that you want to attract is conservative, dress in things that are conservative. You may say that if they don’t like me the way I am or that you will dress the way that you want, you had better be prepared to either not have a suitable partner in the short term or be happy alone.
If you want to attract a sports person, attend sports events. Soon you’ll bump into someone who is attracted to you. It’s best to start slow. Don’t attend long events. Meet for coffee or for brunch. That way, if you don’t get on, you can leave soon.
On the other hand, you can also extend the meeting if you are enjoying yourself. Use this time to find out about this person. Ask questions as to what they like or do. If they don’t like what you like, consider whether you want to spend more time with them.
Know what you want, otherwise, how will you get it? Never be too eager to get into a serious relationship. You should practice going out so you can keep your skills attuned to handle the real thing. Go out for pleasure. Practice and get the experience so you’ll be ready to handle the right one and have the best chance of keeping it. Do yourself a favor here.
The time to make your desires known is after the relationship has been struck and the agreement is in the process of being written up. To make your demands before the relationship is like hooking a fish on a line. When you pull it in, the fish can still get away. Beginning the relationship there are two main differences between men and women.
Men want to be noticed for their intelligence and ability to produce. If a woman wants to be always on the right side of a man tell him those two things and you will have a favorable partner. Women on the other hand have the need to feel attractive.
If a man wants to be always on the right side of a woman, tell her she is attractive and you will have a favorable partner. Both must be told of these qualities. Books, news, and media portray men as newsworthy because generally, they have produced something.
Women are usually portrayed as being the more attractive of the two. Emotion plays a large part in a woman’s makeup and logic is the hot button of males. He is a fixer if you have a problem and will offer suggestions on how to fix everything.
You have to realize that men are attracted to competence. They are not only attracted by appearance but also by someone who is competent. Keep in mind women are attracted to someone who pays attention to them.
Tell them how good they look, how they sound, how great they work, how much they mean to you, and the fact that you are willing to listen to them. Make no mistake about it. Even if you don’t want to hear about it, attracting the opposite sex is a game, a serious game.
Part of being successful at it is knowing how to play. Even if you don’t want to use these techniques, that’s OK but you still have to know them so you can defend yourself against them when they are used on you without invitation.
Honesty is the best policy people are what they are right now.
Now is all you have. To get the best from now you have to be honest, belief in the other person, and trust they are honest with you. Learn to trust and be trustworthy. Don’t lie because lies will eventually destroy the relationship.
People should speak the truth if that person wants to know. If you get angry because someone has told you the truth rethink your position. If you think that being told the truth will improve the relationship learn to accept it and compliment them on their honesty.
Don’t get upset because they do what you ask them to do when you ask for their opinion. Everybody lies at some point in time but it’s better to know the truth instead of building a relationship on lies.
What’s worse is if you have instigated that rule in the other person from getting angry at hearing the truth. It’s up to you to make sure they are honest with you, and accept it, knowing you are building the relationship and not setting a wedge for a split later on in life.
Listen to the needs of your partner.
Listen and assist instead of trying to think about what you are going to say next to prove your point. When your partner is talking listen to the words they are saying. Then if you are angry lower the defenses. Don’t try to get a foothold in the conversation to prove your point.
Accept the other person’s point of view in order to move past the point of frustration or anger. Accept their opinion if they say it is important or that’s the way it is. Even if you don’t believe it to be true, accept it because you are not perfect and you could be wrong. Then move on. The best way to have a great relationship is to ask about the other person’s desires and needs.
Ask them how they want to be treated, how they want problems solved, and how they can be made happy. Give, be a giver, not a taker. If you cannot meet those expectations consider whether you can be successful in that relationship. Good relationships come about from learning.
Continuing the relationship
They’ll let you pat them till they’ve had enough. If you pat the cat because you think it wants the pleasure of being patted, you are going to lose. You pat the cat because of the enjoyment you receive. Make no mistake about it, the cat is in control. Same thing in your relationships. To be successful at it you should not develop it for the other person’s enjoyment.
Do it for your enjoyment, otherwise, your partner is in control. Do things that feel good for you. Don’t do it to get a response but rather become you’ll feel good doing it. Don’t go overboard with doing what you want for your pleasure.
There is a point that a willing person goes to that repels the other party if they are seen to be too easy. If something is too easy to get, it is in most cases, treated with no value. Never be too eager. Always go to the point that you don’t want to go to and draw the line there.
For example, there are many books to read on how and when to accept a date with the opposite sex. Don’t accept an invitation unless all the rules are obeyed. Remember it is a game until the agreement is committed.
Self-confidence applies here. Being confident is magnetic. Fortune smiles on the bold. Approach people as though they were lucky to know you. Don’t sell yourself short. You just don’t know what will come out of an encounter.
Great relationships build one another up. if this doesn’t happen to you you’re probably in the wrong relationship. If the relationship makes you feel great and you can’t wait to see or spend more time with your partner, you are a lucky person indeed.
How do you handle it when separation is imminent? The very best thing you can give someone is what they want. It’s not good to try and keep someone against their will. Telling them how good you are or how much you’ll miss them is not good for you or them.
Would you really want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you? if someone wants to leave help them pack their things and open the door. When they’re gone simply get over it quickly and move on to the next step in your life.
Words of WisdomTwenty-five years ago, my mentor Mr. Tony Green explained to me why I hadn’t received all the things in my life that I wanted and thought I deserved. He asked me to list all the reasons why I was not happy or successful. I gave him a list that was two pages long. I listed everything from the tax I was charged to my high school teacher.
After spending about two minutes looking over the list I was expecting his words of wisdom to enlighten me as to how I could fix the problem. It was here that I received the most powerful insight into improving my lot in life.
His words of truth came in the form of a question. He said, “this is a great list but why aren’t you on it”? When Tony opened his mouth and said those words I thought it was a trick question at first. I had a choice here, do I accept that I was the problem or stay in my world of ignorance?
I chose to accept his advice and went about changing my world so that I could enjoy the better things life had to offer. What about your list, have you done one? Are you on it? Do you blame others or other things, time, and circumstances for stopping you from getting what you want?
There are two reasons why people who desire things in life do not have them:
They don’t know what or how to achieve them they have been told how to do it but are not motivated to apply the things learned at this point before we continue to do a self-assessment to identify the reasons why you haven’t achieved the results you would like in your life.
Write down at least 20 reasons that you think are the things stopping you from moving to the perfect relationship or having a relationship with the person of your dreams.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dan Cavalli